A Man. A Plan. A Canal. Steve.

The problem with wishes, of course, is that noone believes in them except kids. And sadly, if there’s one group of people guaranteed to misunderstand the consequences of their actions, it’s kids. So when some fairy feebleminded or cruel enough to grant the wish of some ‘lucky’ kid did so, the wish was something along the lines of “I wish everything could talk!”

What most people forget is that the simpler the wish, the more leeway the giver has in granting it. “Everything can talk,” for example, turns quite neatly into “everything is sentient.”

Naturally, problems arise when everything that is starts thinking for itself, even beyond the ordinary chaos stemming from things like underwear and vibrators starting to talk. Last I heard, abstract concepts started getting into the swing of things - I think “time” just started bitching about being bored all the, well, all the time.

Which is why I’m currentally piloting my lovely craft through what used to be the Panama canal. Of course, what used to be a quiet and relaxing trip is now broken by nothing shutting up ever (I’m talking to you, rigging!), and on top of that the canal chose a new name for itself, killing one of the best palindromes around.

God, I hate kids.